May 16th, 2002

Self-Portrait 3

"Aw, c'mon, that's a buncha horseshit! Lando Calrissian was a black guy!"

Saw Attack of the Clones at a midnight show last night with Sarah, Matt, Shelli, and other assorted lab folk.

Will be seeing Attack of the Clones again tomorrow afternoon with Sam.

Will be seeing Attack of the Clones yet again Saturday, in Birmingham this time, with The Chunn, Josh, and TW.

***The opinions that follow contain SPOILERS. If you wanna go into the movie pure, I'll just say go ahead and say go see it now cause it rocked my ass off, so you can quit reading before I start talking about shit.***

First off, I loved it. I don't know what I'd choose if someone told me to sit down and pick my favorite geek movie of the past six months from Attack of the Clones (hereinafter referred to as AOTC) to Spider-Man to Blade 2 to Fellowship of the Ring. I'd likely smack them in the mouth and go, "Stop trying to pick and choose favorites. This is the best time to be a geek in the history of creation. Shut the fuck up and enjoy it." But that's just me. Anyway, I fell out of my chair last night because AOTC rocked my ass clean the fuck off. It bounces back and forth between the two main character sets, a la The Empire Strikes Back, following Anakin Skywalker as he protects now-Senator, formerly Queen Padme Amidala, and Obi-Wan Kenobi as he investigates the attacks on her life.

About my only complaint is that this isn't done nearly as well as it is in Empire. Lucas never lets any momentum build. At the most we'll spend ten minutes with on character set or the other and then jump back. Things never get time to build and get tense in one story before we end up jumping back to the other one.

I've heard a LOT of people complaining about how stiff Natalie Portman and Hayden Christiansen seem in their scenes together, and I agree. They are stiff. Their falling in love seems awkward and clumsy and hardly emotional at all, and I have absolutely NO problem with that. This movie is set ten years after Phantom Menace, and we learn that in that interim, while Anakin has been training to become a Jedi Knight, Padme has served two terms as Queen of Naboo and almost immediately afterward became the planet's representative in the Galactic Senate. It also comes up that Padme went into "public service" (ie, politics) when she was twelve. So basically, what we have here is a love story about two people who have trained to suppress and control their emotions, and think and act logically, with their heads and not with their hearts, since pre-pubescence, falling in love. Of course they're stiff and awkward. Of course they seem like they're trying too hard. They are. Neither of them has clue one about relating to another human being on a purely emotional level. I think it makes their love story that much more real, and it's made all the more tragic by the fact that they're trying so hard at something that we all know is so completely and utterly doomed.

That was my only real problem with the movie, and most of that is my problem with people taking the damn thing wrong more than it's a problem with the movie itself. Jango Fett seems to have fallen victim to Darth Maul syndrome. He looks really, really cool but he ends up going out like a punk-ass bitch. We do see more of him than we did of Maul, and his death serves to be really cool setup for somewhere down the line.

I wasn't that impressed with Mace Windu. His character isn't developed nearly enough and we don't see him kicking near enough ass. We don't see any of the Jedi kicking ass one-on-one, and I think that's a mistake. It's all well and good to show dozens of Jedi Knights laying the smack down, but I'd prefer to focus on just one Knight at a time opening a can of whoopass instead of trying to show all of them kicking ass at the same time.

And speaking of one Jedi opening a can of whoopass, you remember in Empire when Master Yoda said "Judge me by my size, do you? Heh. And well you should not, for my ally is the Force."? Anybody that doubted that statement has been proven wrong, 'cause Yoda brought the heat. Big time. And it was damn well awesome.

To sum up, Attack of the Clones was LOVED. My only question is how in the hell George Lucas got away with a PG rating on a movie that has not one but TWO beheadings, and a man getting his arm chopped off on top of that.