July 1st, 2002

Self-Portrait 3

"It's Mr. Mischief with a trick up his sleeve, roll up on you like Christopher Reeves."

Not that I'm playing tricks on anyone, I just like the mean-spirtedness of that line.

The following is going to be the first joke in my planned book of jokes called "Jokes you have to be a complete bastard to laugh at:

"Why didn't Superman save JFK Jr's plane?"

"I dunno. Why not?"

"Cause he's in a wheelchair, asshole. Cut the man some slack."

Josh got married this weekend, and a fun time was had by all involved. I got to see some good people that I don't see nearly enough of, a situation I plan on remedying in the future.

I also got to go to my first Catholic wedding, in my first Catholic church, and it was different, to say the least. They really do have the big statues of the Virgin Mary, and the huge stained glass windows, and the little basin of holy water as soon as you walk in the front door, all that stuff. I wish I'd gotten the chance to at least stick my head inside the confessional, and I have to admit, I was genuinely disappointed that there was no burning or smoking when I dipped my fingertips into the holy water, but the wedding was a lot of fun. And dear God, the reception. I've been that drunk before, but I'll be damned if I can remember when. It was the kind of shindig I want if I ever get hitched.

Speaking of which, contrary to what Sarah thinks, I never swore off women, I just made a conscious decision that I was very, very happy by myself. Thing is, I'm starting to think that it's high time to reverse that decision. Not that I'm unhappy or anything like that, but I'm really starting to realize what I'm missing by not having someone in my life.

And contrary to my dearly held and time-tested theories, not all women are evil, soulless creatures, and they don't always go for assholes, either. Poobie and Corley and Luke and Chunn are about the most stand-up guys I know, and if somebody told me to make a list entitled "Women don't suck; here's the proof", their ladyfriend's would be the first names that popped into my head. So nice guys don't always finish last.

So great, I'm hanging up my membership in the He-Man Women Hater's Club and I'm officially back "on the market". Now all I have to do is find somebody to go out with. Given that a search along those lines is probably what made me decide that I liked being alone better in the first place, wish me luck.