December 9th, 2002

Self-Portrait 3

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!

There's an online comic that I'm a fan of called Penny Arcade. It's done by and about a couple of video gamers, so most of the people I know could at least appreciate the humor, if not be outright amused by it.

That's today's PA, which I like to think was written just for me, as it espouses and clearly illustrates a principle that I've championed for years: When Animals Attack just might be the finest entertainment known to man. I don't, however, think it's the most aptly named entertainment known to man, as the animals usually aren't so much attacking as they are defending themselves or retaliating against human stupidity, like in the comic. That comic's based on an actual episode, by the way. I've seen it.

See, the way I look at things, humans are at the top of the food chain because of two things: the ability to reason and the opposable thumb. In order to somewhat offset these huge advantages, nature gave most other creatures on this planet other good-but-not-quite-as-versatile-and-adaptable-as-ours advantages, like great strength or great speed, or natural weapons like claws and fangs, or the advantage given to most bears, the ability to fistfuck us in the ribcage. Typically, our task is to utilize the advantages given to us to the best of our ability and thereby nullify the advantages that any animal might have. When doing this, our "reason" advantage is usually our greatest asset.

Should you choose to ignore the benefits of your ability to reason, as the people featured on When Animals Attack so often do, then fuck you and good luck. That sound you can just barely hear through all the blood in your ears is me laughing at your dumb ass.