December 16th, 2002

Self-Portrait 3

Die mehr Dinge ändern, das mehr sie das gleiche bleiben 2: Electric Boogaloo

I dug up my first LiveJournal, from about a year and a half ago. Here are the more interesting of the only ten entries:

First entry, or, Hey, that journal thing looks easy enough, From August 15, 2001:

Well, I figured since everybody else was doing it, then so would I. That attitude served me well enough in the past, when it came time to make decisions about drinking, smoking, sex, and shooting heroin into my eyeball, so why not now?

Actually, I'm doing this for two reasons. One, I really do need to start keeping a journal. Two, during the week that I took off from work I seem to have forgotten how to type. Hopefully, this will help me redevelop and sharpen those skills.

All alone in the night, or, "Hey, is there an echo in here?", From August 17, 2001

For some reason, more and more often lately, I've been feeling lonely. Just cut off from the world. It usually gets rough around this time of year, because all I ever do is work, go home, sleep, and then get up and do it all over again. But for some reason this year everything feels worse.

I suppose it could have something to do with me living in that great big house all by myself for the past week. Living by yourself isn't so bad when you're in a split-room efficiency; you've got the walls to keep you company. It's a little rougher when you're all by yourself knocking around in a four-bedroom two-bath with a living room and a kitchen that'll hold a dozen people. Apiece.

And the really sad part is that right now, I've only got one roommate. And she's in Huntsville getting her wisdom teeth pulled. Bess hasn't moved in yet (and even tho' I know she'll be homeless if she doesn't, I still have my doubts about whether or not she will), and Sarah... well, Sarah's stuff is there, all of it but the stuff she really needs. That's over at Poobie's house. That's where she lives, and where she will no doubt continue to live. She's been claiming otherwise ever since we moved into the house, but she's spent the night in the house once in the past two weeks, so you tell me. In her defense she [i]did[/i] just get back from California this past Wednesday, but I really don't think that made much of a difference.

Hopefully this will all change by this time next week. Classes start back next Wednesday, which means everybody pretty much has to be here. Sarah (Magargee) and Bess should be back by then, at least. Of course, the beginning of the year means I'll have even more work to do, but at least when I finally do get to come home, it won't be to an empty house.

"I got a natural high; a =super= natural high.", From October 29th, 2001

Yeah, I'm back. I don't know for how long, and I don't really know why. It's obvious to me (but it won't be to you, since I'm editing out all my mistakes) that the reasons I had for starting this journal were valid; my typing is worse now than it was when I started this, after showing marked improvement in a ridiculously short amount of time. So, back to the grind.

A lot has happened in the past couple months, while almost nothing has changed. I have figured out some really important stuff, tho'. To which I say it's about frelling time. To wit,

(1) Some people are just too damned full of themselves, for absolutely no discernable reason. I appreciate the irony of making that statement in what is completely an expression of vanity (a "private" journal that's on the internet), but bear with me. I've been reading some other people's livejournals, and, well, damn. They write with this attitude that they're doing you a favor by telling you about their day. First of all, I'm keeping this journal for me. I don't care if anyone else ever sees it. And if there is someone reading it, then you need to quit. Trust me, there's better things you could be doing with your time.

(2) I stumbled across Wil Wheaton (Wesley Crusher from Next Generation)'s weblog, and I have a newfound respect for the man. Wesley Crusher was lame. Wil Wheaton rocks. And oh yeah, . Much love to a brother.

(3) I realized not too long ago that I'm pretty much never going to be happy. So I decided to stop pursuing happiness, and as a direct result am now about as happy as I have ever been. I don't know why, but I have so much more self confidence and assuredness these days. I'm making decisions in a heartbeat that I've in the past agonized over for literally days, and making them in very different ways, too. I think I'm finally taking my samurai readings to heart. I think I'm going to try some Nietzsche next.