March 29th, 2003

Self-Portrait 3

Maybe TV really does rot your brain

My observations from the hour of Saturday morning TV I've watched thus far this morning:

--Given the amazing number of people, in this day and age, who have to sign off and put their stamp of approval on this sort of thing, how did UPS end up with the absolutely wretched slogan "What can Brown do for you?"

--Apparently you can buy exercise videos on DVD now. Which I don't get.

--There's an infomercial for a pilates video on now that's got Daisy Fuentes, Minnie Driver, Danny Glover, Holly Robinson-Peete, and Miss USA from this year and last year on it. Not quite A-listers, but not washed-up has beens, either. Helluva line-up for an infomercial.

--Today's Saturday morning cartoons can eat my fuck, Exhibit A: Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century.

"The world's greatest detective has returned - and this time, he's fighting crime in the brave new world of the 22nd century! Sherlock Holmes has been brought back from the grave to battle Professor James Moriarty, the only adversary Holmes ever considered an equal. Moriarty, accidentally cloned by an unscrupulous scientist, is determined to dominate the crime-free world of the future. To help Holmes stop him, the personality of Holmes' loyal friend and companion, Dr. Watson is programmed into the brain of an android."

--I don't get "new AOL for Broadband". If you've got broadband, you don't need an ISP. Regardless, the commercials are great. I've seen one where the little yellow AOL guy gets a bionic upgrade, complete with the theme music from The Six Million Dollar Man, and another one where he apparently gives Sharon Stone the fuck of her life, and runs off without a word when she asks him if he wants to hang around for a while. Genius.

--Today's Saturday morning cartoons can eat my fuck, Exhibit B: What's New, Scooby Doo?

"Another Scooby spin-off about the teenaged detectives solving mysteries across the country. Join Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and of course Scooby-Doo as they catch the bad guys behind the masks in the 13 all new episodes (plus a Christmas special) airing on KidsWB this fall! While retaining the feel of the original series, the whole cast is updated for the new century and generation -- complete with cellphones and other modern technology that wasn't around when the previous series were made."

Edit to correct my spelling, and to add the disclaimer that I shamelessly cribbed the "_________ can eat my fuck" phrasing from Warren Ellis. I wish I could take credit for such a deliciously brutal piece of vulgarity, but I can't.
  • Current Music
    David Bowie - Modern Love