April 27th, 2004

Self-Portrait 3

(no subject)

-- Bless you, sweet sweet credit card. I shall eat for a month from your (not quite) boundless generosity.

-- Amazing Fantasy #15 may have seemed totally innocent back in 1963, but it's fairly obvious to my jaded (and admittely somewhat pervy) 2004 eyes that not only was Peter Parker being molested by his Uncle Ben, but before he was bitten by that spider, Peter was planning on killing most if not all of his classmates.

And speaking of Peter, that reminds me of a conversation Sam and I had after we came out of our second viewing of Spider-Man. I used to think Batman had some pretty serious psychological problems, and he does, but man, Spidey's got some issues. Bruce Wayne is basically dealing with a really, really strong case of survivior's guilt, but anybody can see that he's being completely irrational. He was seven years old when his parents were killed; there's nothing he could have done, no matter how hard he may have tried. Peter, on the other hand, is in pretty much the opposite boat. The burgular who went on to kill Uncle Ben got away because Mr. I'm-gonna-be-a-TV-star couldn't be arsed to stick his foot out. His uncle is dead because of him. His one moment of being an irresponsible, self-absorbed dick turns out to be an absolutely colossal mistake that he can never make right; the guilt from it's been eating him alive since he was fifteen. He's probably fucked up in ways they don't even have names for.

-- Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and he asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"

God, I love that joke.
Self-Portrait 3

(no subject)

Also,

-- Goofy-looking fat fuck in a TRON costume is already old and busted. Ebay wedding dress guy is the new hotness.

-- The stupid incompetent bitch from The Appretice is named Omarosa Manigault-Stalworth. If that's the name on her birth certificate I'm the monkey's fucking uncle. Why is it that people who decide to change their names to something to make them "sound successful and classy" always end up picking something that sounds like it came out of a Danielle Steele novel? In Omarosa's case, probably because it did come from some Danielle Steele novel, which is likely the closest she's ever been to real class. When she wasn't puckered up kissing somebody's ass, that is.