June 17th, 2004

Self-Portrait 3

(no subject)

-- In the process of baking brownies for our annual retreat to the cabin tomorrow. We go up to the University's cabin on the lake and do an hour's worth or so of "team-building exercises" and what-not, and we have a big potluck/cookout and goof off for the rest of the day. Basically it's a free day off, so I can't complain. I was planning on making some blondies from scratch, but after the ass-whipping Shu decided to hand me this afternoon I don't really feel up to doing any actual baking. Playing around and experimenting with brownie mixes is quite enough for me today, thank you very much. The temptation is very, very strong to sit here with a glass (or two, or three) of wine and bake myself into a state of pleasant drunkeness. Hell, if I'd gotten started with this shit any earlier I likely would have. As it is I have to be up an hour earlier in the morning, so I think I'm better off passing on that for tonight. At least I'll be able to get some good reading done tomorrow.

-- "There are prople one knows and people one doesn't. One shouldn't cheapen the former by feigning intimacy with the latter." Never before have I seen a statement that so neatly and completely encapsulates my views on friendship; it also goes a long way to explaining why I'm such a nitty bastard with my affections.

-- I am a wretchedly shit writer. I don't have decent ideas, a decent voice, or decent follow-through. Sad that it's taken me so long to realize this. I do, however, have a damn good ear for dialogue. Or I did. I may have jaded its palate by feeding it a diet of nothing but Buffy and Gilmore Girls and Kevin Smith movies and the like over the years.

-- God willing and advanced medical technology to provide, it's entirely possible that I'll live to see the bicentennial of the Civil War. I'm intensely curious about what will be done to commemorate the event. No one did much for the centennial, as far as I can tell, but America has grown significantly more obsessed with war, history, and nostalgia in the forty years since then.

-- Speaking of war and history (and I was), I can't help but be somewhat bemused by the surprise and righteous indignation that a lot of people are expressing over the government and the things it's doing, both here at home and abroad. It always makes me think of a quote from Preacher, when Billy "Spaceman" Baker is telling Jesse Custer about his reaction to learning about Jesse's father's disillusionment with their expericences in Vietnam --

"So I looked at this kid from west Texas, feelin' all cut up an' betrayed 'cause he suddenly realized the Land of the Free been fuckin' him in the ass all his life an' I told myself, 'shit, so that's what it's like to be the white boy'.

"Any nigga you ask can tell you that's how America works."
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