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From the Brilliant mind of Warren Ellis
Self-Portrait 3
hellblazer
"It occurs to me that an awful lot of trouble in Gotham City could have been averted a long time ago if Batman had just ripped the Joker’s nipples off.

I mean, treatment doesn’t work, does it? They stick the Joker in the nuthatch, he comes out again and does the same things.

A man with the nipples ripped off him does not make the same mistakes twice.

Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, and need the nipples ripped off them.

I mean, who’s going to argue?

“Batman, I’ve heard disturbing reports that you ripped the Joker’s nipples off.”

“Choke on my fuck, Commissioner Gordon.”

“…okay.”

I mean, crime in Gotham City doesn’t exactly seem to be affected by a man dressed as a bat flapping around the place. But no-one disobeys a man wearing a necklace of human nipples.

“I’m Batman” isn’t cutting it in the striking-fear-into-their-hearts stakes. But “I’m Batman – and I’m here for your nipples” is an entirely different proposition.

Criminals would see the error of their ways after a man in a black leather pervert suit had their nipples off with the edge of a Batarang, you mark my words. Or a Bat-Denipplizer.

I’m off to ring DC Comics."

Copyright Warren Ellis, 2002

All Comcast offices keep a pen of diarrhetic baboons so they can go out and toss their salads.
Self-Portrait 3
hellblazer
And they love that shit. They'd eat it for breakfast if they could.

I'm hoping I'll be able to find someone at customer support who'll tell me something other than "Oh, the problem's your modem. It's broken. Just go down to the office and get a new one." I admit that it's possible that they're right and I'm wrong, but given that if I follow this advice I'll be on my fourth modem in six weeks, I kinda doubt it.

I'm very seriously considering getting my internet service and my cable turned off, just on general principle.

(no subject)
Self-Portrait 3
hellblazer
So I get home, and my modem and internet connection are working perfectly.

I get the feeling someone at Comcast is fucking with me. Don't you assholes know there's a line for that sort of thing?