January 9th, 2006

Self-Portrait 3

Oh. My. God.

There is, I assume, someone at Artisan Entertainment who's job it is to decide what movies are released to theatres, what movies go straight to video, and what movies just flat out don't get made. Uwe Boll has hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of glossy 8x10 photos and about 18 hours of hi-def 2.35:1 widescreen video of this person just flat-out chugging down copious amounts of bull semen. Straight from the tap. With absolute relish.

There is quite simply no other way to explain how House of the Dead obtained a nationwide theatrical release. There just isn't.