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Comcast can choke on my raging fuck
Kasper Cole
hellblazer
I got put on hold twice last night, for a total of 24 minutes.

I was put on hold after the initial exchange of

"Thank you for calling comcast, how can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm having trouble getting a connection on my high-speed internet."

"Please verify the phone # on your account for me"

"[I verify my number]"

"Thank you, can you hold, please?" Then she sneezed into the fucking microphone and left me sitting there with no hold music for six minutes.

She comes back. Same woman, mind you. "Thank you for holding, can you verify the name on your account, please?"

"William Cockrell. C-O-C-K-R-E-L-L."

"Thank you. What can I help you with tonight, Mr. Cockrell?"

This is the point where I dropped my phone to my side, very clearly said "Fuck. Me. Running.", took a deep breath, and continued with the pointlessness. In hindsight, it's probably where I should have hung up.

"Yes, I'm having trouble getting a connection on my high-speed internet."

"Can you hold, please?"

"Sure, why not?"

And I go back on hold. No hold music for ten minutes this time, then the hold music finally kicks in. Eight minutes. She comes back.

"I'm very sorry about that hold time, has anyone helped you yet?"

There's a pause on my end at this point as I realise that this woman has no interest whatsoever in helping me, and is almost certainly actively trying to foist me off on someone else.

"... no. Let me--"

"Well, there's an outage in your area."

There's a pause on my end at this point as I realise that this woman is flat-out lying to me, given that she interrupted me just before I could explain to her that I had a connection, but the only page I could access was the "Welcome to Comcast High-Speed Internet! Please download the Comcast High-Speed Internet software to continue!" page, and that the only reason I'd called customer service was because said software had insisted I do so before I was allowed to complete installation.

"... really?"

"Yes, really. Would you like to pay your bill while I have you on the line?"

"NO."

The pause is on her end at this point, as this was clearly NOT the response she was expecting.

"No?"

"NO. I think I'll pay it at the office tomorrow while I'm having my service disconnected."

All I heard before I hung up was a sharp gasp and "But--"
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I'm glad my suffering has provided entertainment.

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