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Self-Portrait 3
Dear United States Postal Service,

Columbus Day isn't a real holiday. Knock that shit off and bring me my mail.

Yours, Will

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BTW, can you please read my comic book plea post? It was mainly directed at you.

Your comic book plea post got buried on my friends page. You should probably just send stuff like that to my email.

Hey, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?



... wait for it ...


My mother would break you like fine china, laddy boy.

What were you doing two Thanksgivings ago?

Was two Thanksgivings ago when we celebrated the Magic of Punchgiving?

Indeed it was. We're in the organizational phase right now. You interested?

No way. I'm too old and way too out of shape.

I'm more talking about coming up to Pinson for a couple days of merry-making.

How about I actually went to the post office today to mail something and the bastards were closed. Who in the holy fuck cares about the 9th guy to "discover" America. It's like having a holiday for the 5th guy that did Jenna Jameson. Pointless since he wasn't the first and was far from the last. God Damn postal service.

Why the hate? Those people work hard. They need time off. Don't you take time off for every excuse you can find? I certainly would.

There's nothing coming in my mail that I need that bad. Hell, now that I think of it, I haven't checked the mail this week.

Which is entirely my point. I don't get Columbus Day off. If I have to work then everyone should have to work.

I work for a state-funded institution in ALABAMA and I get MLK Day off, but not Columbus Day. If that isn't proof positive that it's not a real holiday, I don't know what is.

And also, when was the last time you went to the post office? I usually go at least twice a week, and I'm here to tell you, those people don't work that hard :-)

Hmm. Some schools in this area took the day off, I think.

The folks at the Riverchase post office are always working hard when I go in there.

There's two guys in the Ferg post office who work hard, and one of them got deployed to Iraq about 8 months ago. So now there's one guy who does all the work and four other people who range from "sorta" lazy to "egregiously hardcore if-you-didn't-work-for-the-government-you'd-be-unemployed" lazy

Will, I've used the Ferg as my primary postal digs, too, and that ain't no Post Office, or at least no regular one. They imported those motherfuckers from Gringott's or the Negative Zone or some shit.

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